Let’s try to not get too juvenile or X-rated with this, but it seems to be a real thing. Perhaps in a bid to automate just about every medical procedure they can, Chinese hospitals have now brought in “sperm extractors” to help with gathering sperm samples from patients.


But then again, you’d think that it would be a cutting-edge machine that makes the male patient ejaculate automatically to make the process more efficient. Instead, what we have here is yet another device that uses mechanical stimulation to coax the sample out. That’s not exactly brand new technology.

(By the way, using the adjective “cutting-edge” with anything that involves the male member may induce some unpleasant images.)

The machine was conceived to help patients overcome embarrassment, but it’s not certain if the machine actually does inspire confidence in them, especially with how it looks. Aside from the obvious stimulation, it’s not known how the machine tackles other forms of performance anxiety. Perhaps they also give a shot of liquid Viagra, like what male porn actors get to boost their performance.

The idea of a machine that induces orgasms without the need of either manual assistance or a human partner is something that has fascinated humankind for ages. Most don’t want to admit it, but the sex toy industry is a $15 billion business, so the money comes from somewhere.

There’s no denying, then, that people do want their own orgasmatrons, like in the Woody Allen movie Sleeper. But it’s kind of weird to think that medical institutions are actually taking this seriously. All in the name of good health, it seems.


Sonny Go
I'm a freelance writer based in the Philippines, focused mostly on video games. I'm also into martial arts, lifehacking, and so on. [Click here for more]