According to this newspaper clipping, the whole notion of “Bum Fights” took a twisted, Jerry Springer-esque turn in Jinan, the capital of Shandong province, when a couple of beggars went at it in the most bizarre of ways.

A beggar in his fifties, who in addition to being sans hair is also sans feet, engaged in fisticuffs with another beggar, who happened to be a dwarf. In seems the footless man believed the dwarf stole about 600 yuan from him, which the dwarf vehemently denied. Thankfully, a man named Zheng happened to pass by, noting that the bald, footless vagrant stole a knife from the dwarf and proceeded to beat him. In the end, the bald man walked away the dwarf’s portable DVD player, among other things.

While one can only imagine that witnessing such an event would be the most entertaining example of Schadenfreude ever, it truly is a sad state of affairs that this happened. The police ultimately confiscated the knife from the bald vagabond and launched an investigation, presumably to determine whether or not they’re going to Hell for laughing at the notion that a footless bald man fought a dwarf.

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