New Onahole Measures Your ‘Strokes’ (NSFW)

Male masturbation is more than just a means of self-pleasure for dorks, geeks and nerds; it’s an art form and, dare I say, a sport! It’s for this reason that a Japanese company has released the Count Machine Onahole, a masturbation device that testers describe as a “fleshlight attached to a counting mechanism.”

This unique contraption basically counts the number of times one penetrates with one’s penis, a fact which I suppose would serve as a great addition to one’s ‘date resume,’ assuming one to be an energetic hard-hitter. The genius of the gadget lies in its many uses, though.

For instance, fat and lazy men who are gradually eating themselves to an early death can rejoice, because the Onahole is their ticket to success. Each stroke not only provides pleasure, but also burns calories. Ergo the Count Machine Onahole functions as a weight-loss device.

Second, Hiroshi ‘Chocoball’ Mukai—former professional wrestler, current male pornographic star, and eternal hero to all ‘wankers’ worldwide—set a world record of 426 strokes in one minute. Now just imagine the introduction of the Onahole at the 2012 Summer Olympics. In the words of John Lennon, “Just imagine.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling inspired, so I’m going to go PUMP THINGS UP, as his record is something I wish to beat (pardon the pun).

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By V Saxena on 25-07-2010