Hello Kitty: The Funny, The Weird, And The Horrifying
Thanks to the marketing skills of Japanese company Sanrio, Hello Kitty’s cute-cat character has been going strong for 35 years and has become an internationally-recognized brand. One of the most diverse and unpredictable places in the entire universe, the world of Hello Kitty encompasses a vast collection of strange products that dazzle the mind and serve as material for an extensive list of noteworthy weirdness.
Since there are thousands of Hello Kitty products in just about every category imaginable, it’s difficult to find the weirdest of the weird. Furthermore, many Hello Kitty pictures floating around the Internet are actually photoshopped fakes, so it takes some time to figure out what’s real and what’s not.
Still, I managed to scrape together this list of examples that appear to be legitimate products. So, hold on to your seats and get ready to be entertained, disturbed, and maybe even sexually abused by one of the world’s most famous felines!
Guns.
Did you think Hello Kitty was too cute for violence? Think again, because with a little effort you could be the proud owner of an assault rifle just like this one.
Anti-virus programs.
Looks like the Hello Kitty brand has been exploited to market someone’s anti-virus program. Personally, I wouldn’t trust my computer’s health and well-being with something like this.
Condoms.
After researching and writing an article about weird Asian condoms, I can’t believe I missed this one. I mean, it’s so natural to expect Hello Kitty on a condom package, right?
Condom holders.
Buy yourself one of those Hello Kitty condoms, and you’ll probably have to spring for one of these lovely condom holders as well.
RVs.
Want to hit the open road and travel across the country in the comfort of your own RV, but not leave your loving Hello Kitty behind? Well now you don’t have to with your own Hello Kitty RV!
Tooth caps.
Any votes for this precious little innovation of orthodontics? Why yes thank you, I’d simply love to have Hello Kitty’s face implanted permanently in my mouth!
Urinal targets.
I am not making this up. Even if you’re a Hello Kitty fan, why would this be appealing? On the other hand, if you don’t care too much for her, the whole experience of relieving yourself could be very gratifying.
Toilet seats.
Girls, please don’t feel left out after seeing that last product. To guarantee your complete urination experience, Hello Kitty also adorns toilet seats.
Electronic toilet paper dispensers.
Here’s yet another one for the bathroom. Talk about an invasion of privacy. Is there nowhere Hello Kitty won’t go? (For those of you who are wondering, yes, Hello Kitty toilet paper is also available.)
Sausage links.
This is just bizarre. Who really wants to see that dancing around on their meat tubes?
Jets.
Taiwanese Eva Air has a Hello Kitty airplane that flies between Taiwan and Japan. The interior decoration is Hello Kitty-themed, of course.
Contacts.
This is similar to those creepy cat-eye contacts people wear during the Halloween season. Although these don’t grab your attention as quickly, once you realize what’s going on, it’s pretty strange.
Wedding dresses.
You’ve got to have a serious crush on Hello Kitty to get married in one of these. What do you think, guys? Sexy, or maybe not so much?
Fake fingernails.
Put these on and spread the Hello Kitty love to everyone around you. It’s like the famous Midas touch, except nothing turns into gold. Instead, people just stare at you with undisguised perplexity.
Bongs.
If I’m reading the right sources, this is apparently a Hello Kitty coin bank that has been modified for smoking pot. As far as I know, it’s not technically a real product, but hey, it’s pretty hilarious!
Tampons and pads.
Is there a “bodily fluids” theme going on here, or am I just crazy? Boldly going where few cartoon characters dare to go, Hello Kitty.
Douches.
Someone please tell me this is a fake, or just go ahead and kill me right now. I have no idea why something like Hello Kitty should ever be associated with douches.
Vibrators.
Let’s not get into the details here, but you really have to be in love with Hello Kitty to want this one. Also available in black, red, and lavender.
Floggers.
Okay, maybe the vibrators can be tolerated. But floggers? Please excuse me for a moment while I stare in utter horror at my computer screen. I think I’ve finally reached a point where words no longer serve any purpose whatsoever.
House.
What better way to store all your weird and crazy Hello Kitty stuff, than in your Hello Kitty House…
A few of our Twitter followers had the following to share as well:
Becks Beer
Thanks to @Munkitude for this one.
Corsets
Thanks to @rabelrouser for this one.
So there you have it. Welcome to the weird world of Hello Kitty!
By Brandt on 14-09-2009
Comment by Sil
September 14th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
What the fuck………. People has serious issues
Comment by Rachel Swafford
September 14th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Enter text right here!
Comment by Nate
September 14th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
ummmm, wow. that is some twisted stuff right there
Comment by Digital Product Reviews
September 14th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Well, it IS a weird world that knows no age limit. My wife, for example, has a Hello Kitty change purse, lamp, tons of notebooks and stickers. I don’t get it, but it’s a pleasant quirk.
Comment by Tech Connoisseur
September 14th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
What a collection of Hello Kitty-inspired and licensed products. It's got to be difficult to distinguish between the two. I'm pretty sure, for example, the Hello Kitty AR-15 or whatever is not an officially licensed product but a modification.
Comment by David
September 14th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
However you don't want to let drunk hello kitty fans paint your race car – look at the roof. http://www.lizarddirect.com/kitty.jpg
Comment by Harmony Nasty Ass
September 15th, 2009 at 1:12 am
I'd most def blaze out of that hello kitty bong, it'd be sicker if it was a zong. =P
Comment by Dave
September 15th, 2009 at 2:07 am
and don't forget the hello kitty bicycle tire treads!
http://www.engadget.com/2007/11/27/bicycle-tire-r...
Comment by a japanese
September 15th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Kitty camera : http://www.gizmodo.jp/2007/11/3_13.html
"Hello Kitty" transformation set for exclusive use of a cat : http://www.gizmodo.jp/2007/07/post_1941.html
FYI.
Name : Kitty White
The date of birth： November 1, 1974
Hometown： The London suburbs
Height： five apples
The weight： three apples
A blood type： type A
Favorite food： The apple pie which the mom made
Others : She got the ribbon from her mom.
oh, she is not japanese
Comment by qwerty
September 15th, 2009 at 4:24 am
There's actually a Hello Kitty hospital in Taiwan: http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUS...
Comment by steve
September 15th, 2009 at 5:40 am
hello darth kitty
Comment by steve
September 15th, 2009 at 5:40 am
http://www.onedigitallife.com/2006/07/31/hello-da...
Comment by Brandt
September 15th, 2009 at 6:59 am
Yeah, you're probably right. It's really hard to tell and it takes so much time to research all of this. I wouldn't be surprised if that's not an actual product
Comment by Brandt
September 15th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Wow, awesome!!
Comment by Brandt
September 15th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Nice camera. And the cat outfit is interesting, too.
Comment by Brandt
September 15th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Yep. Weird Asia News actually ran an article about that one:
http://www.weirdasianews.com/2009/09/12/taiwans-k...
Comment by Brandt
September 15th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Cool, but what about the comment that says it's a photoshop job?
Comment by pamela
September 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am
i know there is a lot of hello kitty out there.Is there any goodbye doggie to be had…………oh yeah,I forgot the chinese ate then all.
Comment by WAMBAT#9
September 16th, 2009 at 12:54 am
No Pam,I think they beat them with clubs
Comment by pamela
September 16th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
YUCK!!!!!
Comment by David
September 16th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
In the interest of equal treatment, there should be a ‘Hello, kitty” Fleshlight.
Comment by a japanese
September 17th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Apple Store also likes Kitty. These are iPhone cases
clear : http://store.apple.com/jp/product/TW784J/A
black : http://store.apple.com/jp/product/TW785J/A
white : http://store.apple.com/jp/product/TW786J/A
Comment by Brandt
September 17th, 2009 at 2:59 am
Well, seeing how there's vibrators, I guess that would make things fair, right?
Comment by @@@
September 17th, 2009 at 4:39 am
How am I supposed to bleed on a cartoon character that is not only against my crotch BUT IS ALSO WINKING AT ME?!?!?!?! Man, imagine having to change that; it's like something out of Silent Hill!!!
Comment by Jeffrey
September 18th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Okay, some of this is really weird. Although I’d rather have people getting hung up on Hello Kitty than some of the other (ugly or violent) quirks out there.
Comment by teatime
September 18th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Awwww, cute! I love Hello Kitty..
I want a Hello Kitty house -_-
At least the interior decor.
Comment by AliceAnn
September 19th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
The beer and contacts are photoshop and not real products.
The riffle, flogger, corsets, the reusable pads, tooth cap and bongs are custom items, not that they aren't awesome and someone made them, but they aren't Sanrio and the condom holder is a bootleg product probably.
Everything else is a licensed Sanrio product.
Comment by Brandt
September 19th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
The contacts are photoshopped? I knew the beer was, but the contacts? Hmm. Thanks for pointing that out.
Yeah, I know a lot of the other products aren't Sanrio, but my primary concern with the article was just finding real products (whether bootlegged or Sanrio-licensed) and avoiding the photoshops.
Comment by Free Paid Surveys
September 19th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
That is hilarious. There is so much Hello Kitty stuff even if half of that is photoshopped!
Great post – subscribed
Comment by your mom hello kitty
September 19th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
hello kitty boooOOOOOng!!
Comment by AliceAnn
September 20th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
The contacts have been posted on a fair amount of blogs but I've yet to find one that proves they are a product for sale or even a custom set. There doesn't seem to be an "origin" other than this one photo and the image is definitely photoshop.
There is a non-alcoholic HK beer, and champagne and wine can also be found although I've never seen it in the US.
If you want to see pages and pages of unbelievable products check for issues of Kitty Goods Collection. I think it is quarterly and is nothing but Sanrio products from wedding dresses and hamster wheels to appliances. It can be found at Japanese books stores in the US and of course Ebay.
Comment by harajuko whore
September 21st, 2009 at 3:03 pm
i love just about everything on here! hello kitty is the shit. def gonna look for that bong!
Comment by Brandt
September 21st, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Good luck with that!
Comment by spanx_r_us
September 24th, 2009 at 3:58 am
/me spanx your mom hello kitty
Comment by @fbvale
September 25th, 2009 at 12:42 am
Too… much… pink…
Comment by AJS
September 25th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Some of the products like the gun, bong, whip etc are fake and not officially licensed products by Sanrio
Comment by Chez
September 26th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
What the… Are you kidding me?
Comment by begoña
September 29th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Hola!!! Quería saber si conoceis tiendas hello kitty online. Yo me compré un pendrive y un malerin para mi portatil aquí,
http://www.latiendadehellokitty.com
Pero quería saber si conoceis otras.
gracias
Comment by brian
October 1st, 2009 at 7:12 am
nobody told u japs are kinky
Comment by Kurt Evans
October 15th, 2009 at 9:11 am
That's not a hello kitty fan, that's a hello kitty obsession. Seek professional help, immediately!
Comment by Annaa
November 8th, 2009 at 6:49 am
helll yeahhh to the bong!!! they have a louis vuitton one tooo.