Hello Kitty: The Funny, The Weird, And The Horrifying
September 14, 2009 | by Brandt

Thanks to the marketing skills of Japanese company Sanrio, Hello Kitty’s cute-cat character has been going strong for 35 years and has become an internationally-recognized brand. One of the most diverse and unpredictable places in the entire universe, the world of Hello Kitty encompasses a vast collection of strange products that dazzle the mind and serve as material for an extensive list of noteworthy weirdness.

Since there are thousands of Hello Kitty products in just about every category imaginable, it’s difficult to find the weirdest of the weird. Furthermore, many Hello Kitty pictures floating around the Internet are actually photoshopped fakes, so it takes some time to figure out what’s real and what’s not.

Still, I managed to scrape together this list of examples that appear to be legitimate products. So, hold on to your seats and get ready to be entertained, disturbed, and maybe even sexually abused by one of the world’s most famous felines!

Guns.
Did you think Hello Kitty was too cute for violence? Think again, because with a little effort you could be the proud owner of an assault rifle just like this one.

hello-kitty-assault-rifle

Anti-virus programs.
Looks like the Hello Kitty brand has been exploited to market someone’s anti-virus program. Personally, I wouldn’t trust my computer’s health and well-being with something like this.

hello kitty virus protection

Condoms.
After researching and writing an article about weird Asian condoms, I can’t believe I missed this one. I mean, it’s so natural to expect Hello Kitty on a condom package, right?

kitty-condom

Condom holders.
Buy yourself one of those Hello Kitty condoms, and you’ll probably have to spring for one of these lovely condom holders as well.

hello-kitty-condom-keeper

RVs.
Want to hit the open road and travel across the country in the comfort of your own RV, but not leave your loving Hello Kitty behind? Well now you don’t have to with your own Hello Kitty RV!

hellokitty_rvhellokitty_rvhellokitty_rv

Tooth caps.
Any votes for this precious little innovation of orthodontics? Why yes thank you, I’d simply love to have Hello Kitty’s face implanted permanently in my mouth!

kitty-molar

Urinal targets.
I am not making this up. Even if you’re a Hello Kitty fan, why would this be appealing? On the other hand, if you don’t care too much for her, the whole experience of relieving yourself could be very gratifying.

hello-kitty-urinal-targets

Toilet seats.
Girls, please don’t feel left out after seeing that last product. To guarantee your complete urination experience, Hello Kitty also adorns toilet seats.

kitty-toilet-seatSanrio-Hello-Kitty-Toilet-Seat

Electronic toilet paper dispensers.
Here’s yet another one for the bathroom. Talk about an invasion of privacy. Is there nowhere Hello Kitty won’t go? (For those of you who are wondering, yes, Hello Kitty toilet paper is also available.)

kitty-paperhello_kitty_toilet_paper

Sausage links.
This is just bizarre. Who really wants to see that dancing around on their meat tubes?

hello-kitty-sausages

Jets.
Taiwanese Eva Air has a Hello Kitty airplane that flies between Taiwan and Japan. The interior decoration is Hello Kitty-themed, of course.

kitty-air

hello_kitty_airplane_interior

Contacts.
This is similar to those creepy cat-eye contacts people wear during the Halloween season. Although these don’t grab your attention as quickly, once you realize what’s going on, it’s pretty strange.

hello kitty contacts

Wedding dresses.
You’ve got to have a serious crush on Hello Kitty to get married in one of these. What do you think, guys? Sexy, or maybe not so much?

hello-kitty-wedding-gown

hello-kitty-wedding

Fake fingernails.
Put these on and spread the Hello Kitty love to everyone around you. It’s like the famous Midas touch, except nothing turns into gold. Instead, people just stare at you with undisguised perplexity.

hello kitty fingernails

Bongs.
If I’m reading the right sources, this is apparently a Hello Kitty coin bank that has been modified for smoking pot. As far as I know, it’s not technically a real product, but hey, it’s pretty hilarious!

kitty-bong

kitty-bong02

Tampons and pads.
Is there a “bodily fluids” theme going on here, or am I just crazy? Boldly going where few cartoon characters dare to go, Hello Kitty.

kitty-pads

hello-kitty-pads

Douches.
Someone please tell me this is a fake, or just go ahead and kill me right now. I have no idea why something like Hello Kitty should ever be associated with douches.

douche

Vibrators.
Let’s not get into the details here, but you really have to be in love with Hello Kitty to want this one. Also available in black, red, and lavender.

hello_kitty_vibrator

Floggers.
Okay, maybe the vibrators can be tolerated. But floggers? Please excuse me for a moment while I stare in utter horror at my computer screen. I think I’ve finally reached a point where words no longer serve any purpose whatsoever.

hello-kitty-flogger

hello kitty flogger 2

House.
What better way to store all your weird and crazy Hello Kitty stuff, than in your Hello Kitty House…

kitty-house

kittyhouse01

A few of our Twitter followers had the following to share as well:

Becks Beer
Thanks to @Munkitude for this one.

hell0-kitty-becks

Corsets
Thanks to @rabelrouser for this one.

hell0-corsett

hello-corset

So there you have it. Welcome to the weird world of Hello Kitty!

(links 1 2 3)

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