Sperm Bank Hoax Was Fun While It Lasted

Posted on August 31, 2009

Any healthy, red-blooded male reader would have told you that the news, late last year, about the Shanghai Sperm Bank seemed almost too good to be true. And indeed, if the report was anything to go by, this was a medical facility with a real difference.

Apart from jabbing a pointy-ended tube into the crook of the elbow, there’s no way of actually coaxing blood out of a patient’s arm (at least if you’re trying to keep them alive).

Semen, of course, is a different story. Humankind has devoted millennia to researching the matter, and the techniques for encouraging the flow of this vital fluid have pretty much been perfected by now.

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The photo that accompanied the sperm bank story depicted several attractive, squeaky clean, young females ably assisting patients with one such method. The uniformed gals went about their task with great diligence—which is just what you’d expect, considering how notoriously difficult the average man is to arouse.

By the way, the donors were fully suited up too, masks and all, presumably in the interest of hygiene. The article’s author completed the profile by providing the Shanghai Sperm Bank’s address, as well as helpful donor details: how often (4-5X/month), maximum allowed donations per visit (3), and pay rate (US$30/session).

Well, we hate to be the ones to break the shocking news, but the Shanghai Sperm Bank story has turned out to be a hoax! After receiving inquiries from interested—extremely interested, we’d guess—potential donors, an official at Renji Hospital, the facility’s actual home, scrambled to set the record straight.

“These pictures are completely misleading,” said Li Jin. “We never have female nurses assisting in sperm collection, which is done by the donor himself, alone in a special room.” The hospital claims to follow strict ethical guidelines, and reports that no complaints to the contrary have ever been received.

Next thing you know, they’ll be trying to tell us there’s no Santa Claus.

(links 1 2)

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DanBing

DanBing has lived in one Asian country and traveled in various others, engaging in activities that ranged from teaching English to playing Irish music to researching articles to marrying. The best part was usually the food, though the marriage hasn’t been too bad either. But of all his many accomplishments he is perhaps proudest of his close–extremely close–association with the person who wrote The Devil’s Food Dictionary: A Pioneering Culinary Reference Work Consisting Entirely of Lies (www.frogchartpress.com).
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20 comments
KennyWest
KennyWest

Darn it - I was starting to think communism wasn't so bad.

Malachi
Malachi

Well even if it's not true, it should be. X^D *Hahahaha!*

shezzy
shezzy

I wish it could be true.... I would have donated my sperms several times if these ladies helped me

Erik
Erik

So what's the photo about???? I'm so intrigued!!!!

Marowak
Marowak

>>considering how notoriously difficult the average man is to arouse Oh, how I lol'ed.

gopal
gopal

Ohhhh after getting the news, i reserved the ticket to china. Gosh i have to return it.

Codems
Codems

Of course no complaints have been filed if you went to donate sperm and the nurse helped you along your not going to complain

Kashif
Kashif

Nurses should use thier FEET with red or black nail polish on toes with anklets to collect sperms....lol

Cory
Cory

Too bad those nurse weren't using their mouths - now that would be a story

DavePretty
DavePretty

I was wondering why my nurse ran out the room when I flopped down onto the hospital bed and whipped my junk out. :(

reality check
reality check

she had to find a another nurse with very tiny hands---lol

pacat
pacat

Old but still funny.People belieeve what they want to,sometimes when you put facts right under thier noses.I know a man that still claims it is true.Poor man needs to get out and get a life

Ryan Lee Hannant
Ryan Lee Hannant

Wow, those nurses must have huge hands, because those penises sure do look tiny.

Mad Snake
Mad Snake

You're doing it wrong. Meant to be looking at the girls :)

acidchalk
acidchalk

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO