Given the range of peculiar, often hard-to-explain gadgets coming out of Japan, you can’t help feeling that the country’s inventors may have a little too much time on their hands. If the products of the Tenga Company are anything to go by, they may have a lot more on their hands than just time.

Calling Tenga’s line of products specialized is a bit of an understatement. The company devotes itself to one field of endeavor and one only: the artificial enhancement of male masturbation. To that end, Tenga markets a line of soft, plastic, sheathlike items ideally suited to the man who is too busy, too impatient, too socially retarded, or too funky-smelling to enjoy the comforts of a real, live sex partner.

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But if you were thinking that such a monumental contribution to the convenience of modern life would have been enough, you were wrong. The restlessly inventive minds in Tenga’s R&D department had something far more ambitious in mind. They were bent on creating nothing less than the greatest innovation in manly self-abuse since the opposable thumb. And that’s just what they’ve done. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Tenga Flip Hole!

Advertised as “the next step in the future of masturbation,” the Flip Hole pops open like your favorite cellphone, allowing you to coat the soft and squishy interior (textured with all manner of nubs, ribs, and fins) with your choice of lubricant (Mild, Real, or Wild). After that, simply shut the silicone-lined jaws of joy and go for it!

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Once the gadget has done its job, the convenient flip-open feature makes thorough cleaning fast and easy—all it takes is a dab of hand soap and a splash of water, and the Flip Hole is as good as new. Afterward, prop it open to air-dry, and faster than you can say, “I’ll never have to interrupt my World of Warcraft playing again,” your instant girlfriend will be ready to administer to all your tension-reducing needs.

The one drawback of the Flip Hole is that its high-tech lining is good for only about 50 rounds. You may want to order by the case.

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DanBing

DanBing

DanBing has lived in one Asian country and traveled in various others, engaging in activities that ranged from teaching English to playing Irish music to researching articles to marrying. The best part was usually the food, though the marriage hasn’t been too bad either. But of all his many accomplishments he is perhaps proudest of his close–extremely close–association with the person who wrote The Devil’s Food Dictionary: A Pioneering Culinary Reference Work Consisting Entirely of Lies (www.frogchartpress.com).