The Goonch: Vicious Human-Eating Mutant Catfish
May 18, 2009 | by MDeeDubroff

The Great Kali is a river that flows along the India-Nepal border. Ordinarily a rather serene location, a mutant, vicious catfish has been terrorizing natives who fear swimming and meeting up with the goonch who eats people (not to be confused with the grinch who ate Christmas).

This creature, a giant catfish, looks like a reject from a horror movie, and is all the more disturbing because it is dangerous and very, very real!

Scientists fear that the fish, originally a bottom feeder scavenger, began eating humans after developing a taste for flesh from feeding on burnt corpses dumped into the river after funerals.

Investigated by English biologist, Jeremy Wade and slated for a television documentary, the goonch is considered an endangered species.

In the past, locals speared them unmercifully in shallow waters and today electricity and dynamite are often utilized. Most anglers destroy the specimens they catch without even eating them.

How big are goonches? The largest one caught weighed in at 161 pounds and was nearly 6 feet long, which is a world record weight and far bigger than any landed before. If one of these critters likes the way you look, it’s goodbye to you!

Is the goonch after revenge?

While that may not be likely, reports of swimmers being dragged underneath the surface by unseen forces are documented and well-known.

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M Dee Dubroff is the penname of this freelance writer and former teacher originally from Brooklyn, New York. A writer of ghostly and horror fiction, she has branched out into the world of humorous non fiction writing and maintains eight web sites covering a wide variety of topics. She also writes feature articles for several local newspapers. Her book entitled: A Taste of Funny, and her website, Eat, Drink And Really Be Merry ( feature many well researched and humorous articles on the subject of food and drink.
  • Our first order of business is lunch. I suggest we start with some lobster Zoidberg… I mean, lobster Newburg… I mean, Doctor Zoidberg.

    If I'm not going to catch a fish, I might as well not catch a big fish.

  • horrifying story …. and unbelievable too …

  • Freshwater catfish abound around here–as do alligators. Both can grow VERY big and CAN attack humans.
    If they are being a danger–set a trap for it. A VERY large hook anchored by a very large wire and a deeply set pole should do the trick. BNothing small could get the bait in their mouth. Patience is the name of the game–re bait as many times as necessary.
    I'm sure he eats something besides humans–they are simply easiest to kill, as rogue lions and tigers have discovered.
    When you eliminate the main source of food they have always had–they will find a substitute to survive.

  • Thank you all for your comments.

  • fuck you cunts

    why the fuck is a white shit there in the picture

  • haha everything comes out in stars..
    why is the tongue white

  • awhh ! i love fishing but now im scared to…

    • dont be, it should be exciting and awesome moment. just have the right gear and nothing will happen. it should make you want to catch one to see how big they really are in person.

  • why dont they just set a limb line up with like a smaller flathead as bait move up and down the river eventually they will catch it

  • black is beautiful, tan is grand, but white is the color of the BIG BOSS MAN

  • Question: Why can't they just leave it the f**k alone? Like most "monsters", it's another schmuck beastie going about its usual gd business of corpse-eating, scavenging, child-snatching, terrorizing lesser vertebrates, and sucking up mostly dirt. (It can't bite you if you don't stick your hand in its mouth.) But we're a bunch of monkeys. When we're not busy jumping up and down, stuffing our cheek pouches with bananas, and chucking feces at each other, it's time to stomp on the animules. Cut the trees, build a wall, flatten the earth, burn out the deadwood. Make it ours! If it looks funny, kill it. If it's big and impressive (ooh-aah factor), blow a hole in it and hang it on the bulkhead. We're selfish. We're stupid. We have missiles.

    Question: Don't we all need the goonch to populate the darker corners of our dreams?

    Question: Isn't that Race Bannon?

    • Yeah, you hit the bulls eye man….. Thats what actually must be done, leave them alone.
      First interfere into their habitat and then exaggerate the entire scene….

      Awful, really awful

  • Aah again people do need some thing to get onto the headlines, though they are not politicians or influential personnels to get the work done. Poor these creatures have their habitat changed due to human intervention and have to pay for their life by honked as man eaters…..

    Though there might have been some instance, but some1 must find a better way or solution, what can a common man do, if the concerned authorities are not interested into accounts of the needy….. so would ultimately result into time where people would only suggest that this river did had a giant fish….

    And would again continue to play with habitat of some another creature till it enlarges and is entitled a man eater, and the history will again repeat itself.

  • i want to see it.

  • realy i understand that we are in there habatate but we wernt really bothering them people are swiming and waiting for there boat to come but they atacked people and we wernt bothering any thing.

    • ya see ya dont get it, they dont know any better. The Goonch is just a big fish that doesnt know any better and is just following its instincts. The Goonch is actually pretty misinterpreted because it is said that it is actually more afraid of you than you are of it. I am pretty sure that it isnt purposely attacking poeple, I mean didnt u see its super little eyes, it says that it goes by its senses like smell, its sensors, and its touch with its wiskers. Ithink that it is just going by smell because it smells human sent when it eats the burnt corpses so when a live humanis in the water it smells the scent and thinks that its another corpse. On the show it even shows the man grabbing one by the tail and all it did was shake and swim off.

    • i kno right

  • so curiostiy over came us and people wanted to know what the fuck it was killing these people Keep in mind one of the victoms was liek a 10 year old boy so of corse we wont leave it the fuck a lone when a women lost her child her baby

  • that is the most freakin awesome and cool lookin catfish I've ever seen, it makes me want to catch one even more.

  • okay i i'm sorry but some of the comments on here by the bleeding hearts just kinda pissed me off today..idk..its all mankinds fault mankind is bad, poor animals, poor earth…instead of crying about it on a commnet board go out and do something about…im not talking about protesting cuz lets all be honest half the time it doesn't really make ne difference at all.. also remember you are a freakin human being try to teach more people on how to help the environment instead of crying about it like a little bitch..basically put up or shut up.

  • Jeremy wade always releases his catches… Why are people freaking out about this thing being caught? If anyone harmed it, it’s the locals and that’s their business. Biologists have no interest in destroying the flora and fauna of the world.

  • Actual extreme angler….The goonch like every other earthbound creature is beautiful. They all come with their needs and the ability to survive, IF left alone to do so. Even the people that live their have the attitude that the goonch just is and will do as it needs. They also believe that the corpses of their loved ones go on to feed the creatures of the waters. It’s amazing and wonderful to see a river system that is thriving enough to harbor such an animal. I do feel sorrow for the loss of the the loved ones but let’s face it it is an animal that is fed that sort of diet by the people who live their so now they are instinctively driven to search for that food. Nothing in nature goes to waste so let’s live and let live, CPR, Catch, Photo, Release, it’s the only way to ensure that these animals and all others will be their for generations to come. Each creature in nature has a purpose and while it is sad to hear of the human loss it would sadden me even more to hear of the forever loss of the beautiful animals….

  • @fuck you cunts What are you talking about? And the words that you use to express yourself only let’s people know the limits of your education and IQ. White, black, the Civil war was many many years ago and only served to prove how closed minded a peoples can be. I am sorry for your apparent lack of the usages of the English language so you feel that you have to use such language to try to make a point, but What was the point you were trying to make anyway besides trying to impress us with the 4 letter words that you are obviously now able to spell……

  • @M Dee Dubroff I am amazed everyday by the lack of respect and just good common sense enough to NOT post things where children can read them, as did F— you Cun–. I apologize for my rather sarcastic and rude response but that person was not even making sense, on any topic…Thanx

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