Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench

Posted on August 7, 2008

Last night in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

He panicked and called the police to help him.



When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.

4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.

Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.

Lets just say this is probably one bad date that Xing will never forget.

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Mui Mui
Mui Mui is another of our wonderful, yet weird, editors who also is a well established world traveler. Born in Asia, Mui Mui is our expert on whether the articles we publish remain appropriate and not offensive in nature. Mui Mui’s favorite place is Italy where she spent 4 years and eventually fell in love with.
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351 thoughts on “Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench

    1. dean

      lol just heard about this on radio 1 in the uk, very funny and its not wrong to laugh about it lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

      Reply
    2. Hole In Bench

      I’m telling ya…when I seen him sit down I was a little iffy about it…he put off a weird vibe….
      but as soon as I seen him roll over and undo his pants… I knew was gunna get screwed….
      literally….. probably the most embarrassing moment of my life… all the other holes will never let me live this one down…..he may of won the battle but im pretty positive I won the war…..
      put that thing near me again and see what happens….
      and its still true all asian men are small!!! I obviously know from experience!

      Reply
        1. Sea

          No it won’t.

          Mine is the same size as it was when I was 15. Passing from centimeters (16 cm) to inches = 6’3” just a little bigger than average… good I guess.

          Although your cock doesn’t “own” like you say do not worry I know friends with as small as 4’7” being 19 of age.

          Reply
  1. guy who loves an asian

    As a guy who has an asian boyfriend, the asian ‘equipment’ you speak of is really quite nice… this guy just needs a blowup doll or something.

    Reply
    1. confused dude

      wait.. you’re a GUY with an asian BOYFRIEND? well, it’s either a typo or someone who has a small asshole.

      Reply
    2. SgtBash

      I also am a man who has an Asian boyfriend, named Tim. It might be small but he’s got STAYING POWER!!! I call him DarkChili.

      Reply
  2. girl who loves an asian

    As a girl who has an asian boyfriend, the asian ‘equipment’ you speak of is really quite nice… he’s the best lover I’ve ever had. YUM.

    Reply
    1. Sam

      lol…i love when people make fun of themselves. like reverse thats what she said jokes.

      “well, that didnt last very long”

      “thats what she said : (”

      that kinda thing. bravo, anyway

      Reply
    2. weed mann

      I highly think nobody wanted to hear that, and I don’t even want to know what u r , wyte or wat ever, u would be a stupid mofo to do that… nothin personal…

      Reply
    1. Grizzy

      It’s funny how they crank up the volume and the news reader shuts up for a moment in order for us to hear the dude moan :)

      Reply
    1. vinni

      mabey….- people should not put there dick in a park bench hole, either get a bird or give up trying!! : P

      Reply
  3. japan Toys

    All can say is he must have a small willy lol , Just look at the size of them holes , This blog has to be 10 . 10 another LMAO story keep up the good work mr blog master you have made my day ,
    Donna x

    Reply
    1. ertet

      he went in it soft….you could have got into the hole if you were soft no matter your size..then he got horny and stuck..as would you or anyone…

      Reply
  4. DARKWING DUCK

    THAT WHAT YOU CALLED HARD TIMES

    Here you’ve been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your d*ck stuck in bench was the best thing that ever happened to you.

    Reply
  5. Frostillicus

    Wouldn’t you think that a man from the country that invented the Chinese Finger Trap would have been able to figure out how to release his piece?

    Reply
    1. weed mann

      makes sense, but never put anything past a chinaman, or apparently in a park bench ,either!!! lolololololololol

      Reply
  6. smurtbubble

    you all SURE that’s not a lightweight stretcher that he’s on? and that this isn’t a creative writing project?

    Reply
  7. naween

    hahahahahahhahahahha
    his scared of small holes now
    lol good he doesnt know this chick i know lolll
    1 finger in her max, and its the size of them holes lol

    Reply
  8. gaara

    Hey, high_pitch_eric thats nothin i put mine in one to it didnt touch the sides nor did it come out the other side.

    Reply
  9. HappyBoBappy

    Everyone is talking about the guy… but what about the bench? Looking all stainless and whatnot… tempting the guy. It’s wrong, just plain wrong. The Government should do something about sultry benches. That’s what I say.

    Reply
    1. darkwing duck

      Wrong! It’s ’cause you ain’t got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will f*ck you’re head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load – now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that.

      Reply
    2. Seymour

      The bench was a slut and deserved all it got.

      (Incidently the correct spelling for an English language story is ‘Lam Tin Park’ the incorrect version was provided by the online translation service, worldlingo.com.)

      Reply
    3. artemis

      Once a pervert always a pervert…too bad you haven’t overcome the obsessions brought on by the eroticization of your childhod and by those who were supposed to have looked out after your well-being. Here you are in your 60′s and still finding this twisted stuff interesting. Certainly your obsessions have afffected your own children yet it never stopped you from finding subjects like this interesting. What a waste of talent to be so caught up in your own twisted desires. ;)
      Guardian Angel

      Reply
  10. Bench Baby

    The story is funny enough, but they had to cut the bench and take it with them? Why couldn’t someone cute just get some lube, reach down below the bench, and whack off the poor guy? He’d get his desired relief, his Asian equipment would shrink back down, he’d get up, get dressed, and go home. End of story.
    Except he’d probably be back there next Saturday night.

    Reply
  11. mohammed dodol

    Xian should sued the city of hong kong, they should put warning sign, to not put your dick in the bench holes.

    Reply
  12. Smokey

    poor guy, all he wanted was a companion willing to give love. unfortunately benches dont expand their hole sizes during sex.

    Reply
    1. ABC

      I’m putting that on my top ten greatest things about a women. it will be second after boobs. benches don’t have boobs.

      Reply
  13. kris

    two delightful quotes;

    1) 4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.

    “his” – how patronising, lulz

    2) The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself.

    they had to include “small”, theyre not making it easy for him lawl

    Reply
  14. clowangel

    Hahaha!!! The crazy things some people would do in order to get some release.. I thought I’ve heard of some relatively crazy ones, but this one takes the cake.

    Reply
  15. Grim

    Wow –
    First off… Haters – can’t you take it somewhere else?

    The rest of ya’ll -
    Hell yeah this is some seriously funny s**t! Equally disturbing that this cat figured a bench would offer him some gratification… not sure if I feel sorry for him or want to get him a few beers, a hooker and then a shrink.

    Peace!

    Reply
  16. jen

    haha, im from HK, i was so amused when i first read about it in the newspaper~!!! stupid man. he also took some erection medicine before he got stuck….lol thats why he couldn’t get it out for hours

    Reply
  17. Hemingway

    It’s surprising he wasn’t able to remove his penis considering the unusually small size of most asian penis’s

    Reply
  18. J9

    haha what a perv !!! ya must be mini like they say to even get in there in the first place LOL THAT BENCH WAS VIOLATED!

    Reply
  19. scott jenkins

    Xing finally conquers his performance anxiety and the bench just lays there. I would think a well placed cup of ice water would have done the job…make Xing rook rike seven year old standing in cold stream!!

    Reply
  20. Renee

    Well, I have to say I have newfound sympathy for him , and the rest of you that claim you can fit your dicks in these holes, I mean wow, maybe you should go see your GP and see if you have a micro penis? check out the size of his toes,next to the holes………..yea, he probably couldn’t play with it it was so small,so he decided to try the bench, poor bench……..

    Reply
  21. Blue Lanugo

    That saddest part of the story ( an aspect left out of this report ) was that the man had been involved with a small kitchen stool for the past five months, and had been seeing the bench on the side.

    How embarrassing for all involved.

    Reply
  22. Leo

    Wow, you guys have it all wrong. This guy should receive a award for his tremendous and brave acts of nobility. This guy is my hero.

    Reply
  23. Foxy_Roxxxy

    Some wise man said “a fool and his ________(fill in the blank with appropriate choice) are soon parted.” Just think, if he dropped a Viagra. Vicious!

    Reply
  24. thebliss

    The worst thing is is that you know he will never call the bench back. Men, all about 1 night stands and getting drunk and having sex with benches.

    Reply
  25. man in metal

    Well, i am from Hong Kong and i have read this news for a hundred times

    This news report has missed the most important point : Xing, the bench man, HAD TAKEN VIAGRA before he made that weird attempt to satisfy his sexual need.

    It is so unfortunate that he still has his penis intact;otherwise, he will be awarded the Darwin Award without doubt.

    Reply
  26. statik

    So, is the bench seeing other people now……I mean, is it cool if I take the bench out for a drink, or maybe drag it along a beach, laughing, whispering, sharing?

    Reply
  27. DIFTL

    Who called the popo anyways?

    “Oh hai dere, I’m stuck in a bench.”
    “Sir, how are you stuck on a bench?”
    “I was horny… I’m stuck, It’s really starting to swell. Is can hab help plx?”
    “OHNOES! Sir, hold your balls we’re on our way”

    <3

    Reply
    1. darkwing duck

      I saw this on a shirt and thought it was hilarious.

      Bed, Beer & A Bench

      Romance And Imported Benches (I Seen This On TV.. No Lie)

      Love Is Blind

      I Want To Know What Love Is – Foreigner

      Spending Time Together

      Here’s Your Sign

      Reply
  28. ggjeffy

    Man’s penis not swole. Man stick penis in hole in bench. Man’s penis get swole. Swole penis not go back to un-swole size cuz blood stuck in swole penis in hole. Man call police to help get perma-swole penis out of bench. Bad bench. Dumb man. Swole penis.

    Reply
    1. Bananabones

      “I was practicing my aim by peeing in the holes, when, all of a sudden, a monsoon threw me facedown onto the bench. It then lifted me up a couple inches…threw me back down…lifted me up…threw me down…”

      Reply
  29. Kiebres

    Waaaaaaaaahahahaha, juajuajuajuaaaaaaaa que me meoooo!! Vaya chino mas tooooooooonto madre miaaaa!! juaaaaaaajuajuajuajuajuajua, y encima pichulín, que mira que agujerillos tan pequeños tiene el banco!!!! A nadie le cabe ahí ni con la picha floja. Juaaaaajajajajaja que me tronchoooo! juajuajuaaaaaaaaa es que me va a dar algoooo!!!!!! xD

    Reply
  30. Darwin1889

    Jajaja seguro que es CATALÁN aunque sea de raza asiática. Porque esa estupidez y ese miembro tan chico que quepa por esos agujerillos, solo puede tenerlo un catalán.

    MUERTE A CATALUÑA.

    Reply
    1. manolo

      Seguro que es catalan… tu si que eres gilipollas que eres un puto perro que cobra peonadas? o simplemente eres un garrulo de los de sol i sombra en el bar?

      Reply
      1. Darwin1889

        Esas “i” te delatan manolo. Cuidado con olvidar a escribir correctamente el castellano.

        Ya te gustaría a ti, vivir como yo, ya te gustaría MARICÓN.

        Reply
    2. Jordi

      Joder, leyendo tu comentario, ha salido un chorro de bilis por la pantalla. ¿Es tuya?

      Saludos y recuerda que el garrulismo se cura leyendo.

      Reply
    3. Xavi

      Y tú seguro que eres un PUTO ESPANYOL con ganas de que Franco resucite y te de por el ojete rebentandote el ano mientras canta el cara al sol!!!!ten cuidado con lo que dices hijo puta. Gracias a Dios que sólo eres un prigao ignorante de mierda y que la mayoría de espanyoles no piensan como tú!

      Reply
      1. Darwin1889

        ¿Odiar a cataluña es sinónimo de ser franquista? Mamarrachos catalanes, niñatos, que vais de listo y vivís con papá y mamá chupando de la teta y la polla aún.
        Más emancisparse de casita de los papis y menos independencia estatal, que es muy fácil pedirla.

        Ojalá se mueran todos los catalanes, el mundo estaría mejor sin ellos.

        Reply
        1. mike

          Haber si se va a morir tu puta madre y toda tu puta familia peazo hijo la gran puta. Tu madre se mete el banco entero por el coño y le baila.
          tu claro te independizas con el dinero que gana tu puta madre chupando nabos de chinos.
          PAYASOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

          Reply
  31. okalf

    kjajkajkajkajkajkajkjkajkajkajkajkjkajkajkawjkjkawjkwjkawjkwajkajkw enfermo, como tan wn, jkajkakjakj a nadie le cabe la pichula en esos ollitos, imaginate ese wn se debe follar hasta el subwoofer, el cerrojo, las botellas, etc kajakjajkjkajkajka en la casa le guardan las cosas con ollos kajkjkajakjkajkajkajkajkajka

    enfermoooooooooooooooooo

    Reply
  32. FamouslyUnknown

    He might as well had it cut off… if it can fit in a tiny little hole such as the one on that bench… then what is the point of having a penis!?

    Reply
  33. lo

    Wait, I’m confused — did a guy named Xing or the city of Xi’an get its penis stuck in a hole? Either way, comedy gold.

    Reply
  34. IamMissBench

    I am Miss Bench. I’m afraid I’m pregnant. I’m not having my period for months. I was raped by a perv who tried to use all our tiny holes. Does anybody know about a place where I could abort? Any Association of Raped Benches could assist me on this? In case my baby is born, how can I contact this perv so he assumes all the expenses? I’ve heard about some other benches who got pregnant during the last few months. Please, help me!

    Reply
    1. YAUYIN

      He claimed that he was doing sit up on the bench, strangely, his trouser zip was opened, and his penis fall in the hole. Then, he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

      xD…

      I’m come from Hong Kong and sorry for my poor English.

      Reply
  35. Dawizz

    C`est la vie, chinese people are really dumb,but one can`t blame the guy,woman are realy hard to conquer…a bench doesn´t ask you to remember her birhtday,or ask for chocolate & flowers.I think it´s the season the hot and humid climate,the guy saw and opportunity and he took it.

    Reply
  36. Becky

    Here’s what I’m wondering: he’s face down with his whatever sized erection stuck through a hole in the bench. The second picture shows them loading him into the ambulance face down. What did they do with his penis in the mean time, prop him up with it?

    Reply
  37. abc

    People, it is not funny.

    Apparently you people did not read the article properly.

    It said “The lonely and disturbed man..” The key word is DISTRUBED, so he is not normal and does not behave in a normal and rational manner so it is not funny for a disturbed person to be doing something out of the ordinary. Please do not laugh at someone’s mistake or downfall and call them “stupid” or “dumb”.

    Reply
    1. nacho

      come on man!! if he is so disturbed he´s not going to read on the Internet, we are just having some fun!! besides, you must be QUITE disturbed to do such a thing!

      Reply
    2. AnGie

      HMM I GET WHERE YOUR COMMIN AT.. YOU HAVE A POINT.. BUT DISTURBED DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE MENTAL DISABLITIES….

      IF HE IS CAPABLE OF GOIN HOME CALLLIN THE POLICE.. IT AINT COMPLETLY STUPID…

      LESSON TO BE REMEMBERED. AND LOL TO OTHERS WHO DONT THINK WITH THEIR HEADS.

      Reply
  38. Vince

    Hahahahaha. Wow man. Great way to celebrate the Olympics. How about next Olympics you go celebrate by fisting a beehive.

    Reply
  39. AHAHAHAAA PRICELESS

    Ohoho dis bencha alookie gooda.. alemme jus see….. hmm hmmph.. ah ya.. der we go.. oooh yah.. you lika dat don you bish.. mi 2 incha a hard cock.. yeeaa… ok me done.. gotta go…………… oh no.. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!

    LMAO ROFL
    AHAHA XD

    Reply
  40. Chalkie

    Aye, saw Wombat (RSD) and Philman (PS) doing a dare comp at the Roundhouse in Brisbane of the exactly same thing – sick man…

    Reply
  41. nacho

    lolololol, this guy should be banned from Korea cause he demonstrated that asian pennis (or at least korean ones) are quite small, how the hell could he introduce a normal prick into that little hole???

    Reply
  42. Alucinao

    Pero cómo pudo meter la pollita allí? Si es que a la mayoría seguro les resulta imposible meter la polla en estado de flacidez, por ser ésta más ancha que el agujero.

    Reply
  43. Serge

    Poor guy… yes, that’s something he will never forget. The holes look pretty small to me, I wonder how he managed to “get in”…
    …and what a way to celebrate the Olympics!

    Reply
  44. L

    hes gotta turn this around, make a webpage about it, then go out and keep putting appendages (penis, fingers, toes, arms, legs) through holes in public places. i swear, he could get famous. preform at birthday parties and circuit city grand openings and maybe even start a sport.

    Reply
  45. AnGie

    LMAO OMG SAD LOOSER -_-
    IS THAT HEALTHY THINKING? EWWW

    PITTY HE DIDNT GET HIS FINGERS TRAPPED TOO..HE WOULD WOULD HAVE BROKEN WORLD RECORD FOR BEING THE BIGGEST LOOSER

    OR

    PIECE OF STEEL ARTWORK ! HAHA IM CHINESE… ITS SO EMBARASING ><

    Reply
  46. joe webb

    I knew he wasn’t a Brother because a brother would not have been able to penetrate the steel bench in the first place.

    Reply
  47. Doggie

    LOL I almost pissed myself when I read it on the train in the morning heading for work.

    I never thought people can be so stupid… those holes are less than the size of a HK$5 coin. (Yes I’m in HK and everyone here is talking about it still XD)

    Reply
  48. vikki C.

    Oh great! next thing we will see is a whole new line of weird Asian sex toys cropping up made to look like outdoor furniture and garden tools… Garden Gnome vibrators, lamp post shaped butt plugs…

    Reply
  49. Skibe

    I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna die, and to see the video only made it more hilarious. I have heard about desperate guys, but this takes first place. If I were him I would change my name, move to another country and hide in a cave. Talk about screw up!

    Reply
  50. I HATE your face

    Go to hell, you racist jerk. There are stupid people from every race, and you’re probably the dumbest one of yours.

    Reply
  51. Ben Tahellanbach

    At least they didn’t havta worry about him slidin offa the thing while they were carreying him into the hospital

    Reply
  52. funny shiz

    if he had a realy hot cop tht would have made it so much beta
    or if tht was were the local prossys hung after a night at work :P

    Reply
  53. Skinsy

    lol. Poor dude

    Its not so much that he tried to fuck a bench and got his shit stuck(thats bad enough).

    Its that his dick fit into one of those holes in the first place!

    THOSE HOLES ARE TINY!!!!!!

    Reply
  54. Paul

    You know. This is not a laughing matter. I think the bigger issue here is was it a consenting bench or was it bench rape? Maybe the bench was asking for it by showing too much leg?

    Reply
  55. moonlight

    omfg dat is hilarious wit ahh daft thing to do omfg ahh wudnt dare imagine if u were stuck lyk dat 4 eva n u had to carry ariund ahh park bench around with u 4 the rest on ur life. also imagine if his penius had to get chopped off omfg dat wud prob hurt n he prob wudnt bee able to hav sex agen unlucky for hym…must bee so embarissing 4 hym lyk…x

    Reply
  56. ashley

    geez GUYS WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH U PLP OMGWHO CARE WHAT THE FCK THE SIZE IS OMG THAT IS SO WEIRD OF YOU TO DO THAT GEEZ
    ALOT LOT OF US GIRLS DONT FCKIN CARE AND MAYBE U HAVENT NOTICE CUZ U NEVER GET DATES CUZ UR SOOOOOOOO WEIRD OMG

    Reply
  57. Bench Lover

    Well.. For all of you people out there laughing at what happened to me, I just want to say, SCREW YOU. I had thought that when I got an erection that my penis would still be small enough to slide out easily!!

    Reply
  58. Just Human

    Geez, there are so many men who have responded here seem to have “penis” on their mind when the write or talk. Are these people all Homos perhaps?? Where are the heterosexuals anymore??

    Reply
  59. OceanBlue

    Probably Not as disgusting as you, loser.
    My guess is that you belong to a civilization who eats with his bare hands (fresh from buttocks-wiping) until just a few hundred years ago.

    Reply
  60. Jay Jay

    lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol… he must have a BIG “penis”lol lol lol..

    Reply
    1. Matt~

      Kinda like you do in Linkin Park in Chicago at 4:00 AM and u can easily take it out cuz it doesnt get stuck because its so small. shit on

      Reply
  61. Karen

    Oh no, I'd better not let my boyfriend see this because he'll only have nightmares. On the other hand, perhaps I should so that he doesn't do anything so stupid!

    Reply
  62. lol

    whattt a fukkk dickkkk ,
    he must of thought if i do this i best make sure first hes dick git stuck
    i would be in creasesssssss on the floor pissing masennnn
    what a wankerrr !!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
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